Thank God for selective hearing. Thank GOD.
So, I told Leigh Anne that I was going to start pursuing her. However, you might remember that, in response, she told me that she had no romantic feelings for me whatsoever. When she said that, it was like I heard her but really didn’t.
As I said before, Leigh Anne is a person that, while she will share her heart and passion with you, it takes a good amount of time and effort to become part of that heart and passion. To put it bluntly, she didn’t make it easy on me. Convincing Leigh Anne to even consider dating me took patience, time, prayer, and the right circumstances.
I spent the next months doing all I could to get to know Leigh Anne. I tried to sit with her at meals, talked to her over email and messanger, learned about her from her friends, wrote her the occasional note, and generally tried to spend time with her. Yea, maybe this does sound like stalking but I’m just going to call it being persistent… details.
So, back to the fall of 2013. Thanksgiving was quickly approaching and I felt like I was to the point where I could actually pursue her without having all my old personal issues interfereing. Also, I was traveling back to the US on the day after Thanksgiving for work related reasons, so, I wanted to talk to her before I left to see where we stood. I don’t know if she was trying to avoid me or not, but, after many attempts, I finally talked with her the morning before I left. This was the first of a handful of conversations where I sought to define the relationship between us. I didn’t mince words. I told her, each time, what my intentions were and how I felt. I didn’t want there to be any confusion. Now, there is some controversy here. If you would believe my summary of these conversations, Leigh Anne said something to the effect of “not yet, but maybe in the future.” If you take her side on this, it was something like, “nope, not ever, we’re just friends.” Again, thank God for selective hearing.
We had one of these conversations right before I left at Thanksgiving, one sometime after Christmas break, and at least one more in March. All during that time I continued to pursue her. I wrote notes, I went out of my way to talk to her, I tried to help her with anything she needed at school or home, hung out with her and her roommates (sorry for bugging you so much Lauren and Cindy), and tried to ‘show her my skills.’ I cooked for her, helped her with her garden, and a lot of other things.
When I met one of Leigh Anne’s brothers for the first time, he, ever so graciously, compared me to Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber. And, I misquote it, but you get the gist. While she says she told me no time and time again, she didn’t actively discourage me from pursuing her. I think it is mainly because she genuinely enjoyed my friendship, and the feeling was mutual. I nursed the ‘chance’ that this could actually work out, but apparently we werent even in the same book, much less the same page, about where our relationship stood.
During this whole process, over the weeks and months, even during our conversations from different continents, I prayed about our relationship. I asked God to shut the door if this wasn’t the right thing for Leigh Anne and me. One of the most painful times in my life was when that that door wasn’t just shut, it was slammed.